Fear and Loathing: Quebec’s Budget Jiggles Like Jell-O, Don’t Provoke Knitting STM Employees

Fear and Loathing South of the 40

So much went on last week I hardly know where to begin.

Quebec

Jacques Has Left The Building

It was a big week in Quebec politics. The Coalition Avenir Quebec (CAQ) has lost a feather in it’s hat, Jacques Duchesneau has announced he is quitting politics. Why is he quitting? Well it depends who you ask. Global Toronto quoted him as saying that politics is causing him “family problems”, the Globe and Mail quotes him as saying that he “simply can’t take it anymore”, while the Montreal Gazette quoted him as saying “I don’t like to see people get up and lie to us.” Really Jacques? Buddy did you choose the wrong line of work! Now this is only me thinking out loud here but maybe one of the reasons people are not jumping on the old CAQ train is that they don’t seem to have a firm stand on anything. Let’s face it, you need your CAQ to be firm. Am I right or am I right?

Jacques Duscheneau

Jacques Duscheneau

Eat Your Budget

Quebec Finance Minister Nicolas Marceau came out with the Parti’s budget last week. Opposition says this budget is aimed at triggering an election, but that is just opposition talk. Folks, this budget is flatter than Tori Spelling before her boob job. There is really nothing to it. Some of the highlights include: gradual increase of parental contribution to subsidized daycare, review of tuition fees and exemptions for foreign students studying in Quebec, examination of ways to implement recommendations in patient-based health-care funding report. There is a lot of “reviewing” and “examining” but not a lot of doing. It is kind of like Jell-O, it sits there and jiggles but it really doesn’t taste like all that much.

Jello Gif

Jello Gif

Dangerous Drivers

Two men have turned themselves into the Surete du Quebec in St-Hyacinthe concerning a double hit and run. The victim, a 33-year-old man, has stabilized after being hit twice (yes twice!) while crossing des Seigneurs St. E. at approximately 3:15 am two Saturdays ago. What kind of human being are you to hit a person with your car and then drive away leaving them laying in the road? I just cannot wrap my mind around it. On the other hand, do you know how unlucky you have to be to be hit twice (yes twice!) while crossing the street. WOW!

Knit Rampage

Yarn Bombing Tank

Yarn Bombing Tank

Mark my words, one day there will be a medical report that reveals working underground makes you crazy. It has happened again, another STM clerk has assaulted another commuter. Twenty three year old Mina Barak was on her way to work last Monday morning when the automatic ticket dispensing machine at De La Savane metro station ate her money and did not give her any tickets. She made a complaint to the clerk in the ticket booth, in English (this was the first mistake, doesn’t she read the news?), an argument followed in which the clerk told her to “Go back to her own country.” Barak immediately went to a nearby telephone to lodge a complaint. With this done she went back to the clerks booth where she told the clerk “I am going to make sure you lose your job for what you said to me.” Stay with me now this is where it gets good. The clerk dropped her knitting (yes she was knitting), emerged from her booth, put Barak in a headlock and began punching her repeatedly. Now granted Barak sounds pretty annoying, but still, is this the actions of a sane person I ask you? The Transport Police did arrive and everyone walked away. Moral of the story, do not fuck with a knitting metro clerk unless you want your ass kicked and for the love of Christ don’t speak English in the Metro. Enough said about that.

Last week at a glance:

Rock n’Roll

Pussy Riot’s Sochi tour came to an end last Thursday after a couple of arrests, a whipping at the hands of the Cossacks and being attacked by a person in a chicken suit. If you do not know who Pussy Riot is, take the time to look them up. I love these ladies, but god love them they have more balls then brains. Lord thundering Jesus ladies you are in Russia! Hello! The Gulag.

Drugs

This is brilliant. A California Girl Scout, Danielle Lei, set up shop to sell cookies outside of The Green Cross, a San Francisco marijuana dispensary. She sold 117 boxes in 2 hours, that is about a box a minute. Lei’s mother contacted the dispensary beforehand to see if there would be a problem to which the owner replied “Dave’s not here man!”

Girl Scout Cookies Love

GIrl Scout Cookies Love

Sex

A woman who was arrested for assaulting a police officer, causing a disturbance and mischief, will be facing charges in Dartmouth, Halifax on Feb. 25. The charges stem from an incident that took place on an Air Canada flight from Toronto to Halifax back in January where the woman was caught in a sexual act aboard the flight. Police were there to meet the couple as they came off the flight. After a good talking to, the man was released but the woman turned abusive and was detained. My question is, were they doing in right in their seats? Or in the bathroom? Or what? I mean if it was in the bathroom why call the fuzz, right? Man, there’s another thing on my bucket list that just turned illegal.

Join the Mile High Club

Join the Mile High Club

One quick note, for those of you who have been following along I have found out what Chinese Balls are! I am now quite embarrassed I brought them up at all. If you have questions, comments, thoughts or stories you would like to send me, please do. Leave a comment or a message on the Rampage facebook page.

Last Work of the Week:

Selfies

Last week Barbara Walters announced to the world that she has a vibrator she has named ‘Selfie’. She later retracted the statement saying it was all a “Big joke”. But it is so late, Barbara, the damage is done! This is why I do not watch the View, and also why I threw up a little in my mouth.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2561481/Barbara-Walters-84-declares-vibrator-called-Selfie-The-View.html

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About Ken Gaucher

Email Ken Gaucher at ken@montrealrampage.com More Posts