Fear and Loathing South of the 40 # 3. Guinea Pigs, Concrete, and Cardinals, Oh My!

Quebec’s Health and Agricultural Minister has now confirmed that seven cases of E. coli, dating back to the month of December, have been traced to a single restaurant in the city Marché 27 – Bar a Tartare (surprise, surprise) which claims to be the “best tartar in town, hands down”. The dish in question was beef tartar. Yikes, if this is the best in town just think what the mediocre ones will do to your insides. However, do not fret, the restaurant has since been visited by inspectors and according to the Minister is no longer a threat to the public. Here is a crazy idea, don’t eat raw meat! Trust me, I know tartar sounds cool. It sounds so cool that I have been tempted to order it myself. But don’t do it. It gives you the shits!

outhouse

Outhouse. Photo Billy Hathorn.

Last Monday a piece of concrete fell from the Henri-Bourassa overpass at Hwy 40 landing on a passing SUV. There was no one hurt (thank goodness), but the incident has sent inspectors “scrambling” to inspect over 500 overpasses in the province, according to the Montreal Gazette. There should be no Scrambling, or Rushing, or Hurrying if you ask me. Inspections like this should rank up there with brake inspections, or better yet prostate exams. They should be done slowly and thoroughly. Guys take your time. This ain’t a grade-7 history exam. People can get killed here. The good news is that Transport Minister Sylvain Gaudreault said in a radio interview on 98.5 FM that the incident was “completely unacceptable.” Whew! Because if falling chunks of concrete was now acceptable I would just have to stop driving. As it is, I say a couple of Hail Mary’s every time I drive under an overpass.

Last week CTV News ran a story about ‘Jodie’s Jiggley Piggley Farm’ which is a rescue for… wait for it… Guinea Pigs! Best part is the Jiggley Piggley is located right here in our fine city, and has been saving Guinea pigs since 2002. Well butter me up and call me a turkey, but who knew that Montreal had a feral guinea pig problem. Fear not friends I have a solution. Let’s add them to the food chain. What? Ok, I am joking of course. Good job Jiggley Piggley! (but seriously they probably taste like chicken).

Click HERE for video. h

Quebec Archbishop Gerald Cyprien Lacroix has been named a Cardinal by Pope Francis. I will admit to not knowing much about the hierarchy of the Catholic faith but I assume that a Cardinal is pretty high up there. Congratz on the promo, Cardinal Lacroix, and if you have a moment can you put in a prayer for all the homeless Guinea Pigs roaming around Montreal? Thank you.

Guinea Pigs

Guinea Pigs

News at a glance
Former Prime Minister Jean Chretien celebrated his 80th birthday with 80 family and friends. Wonder if he greeted any of them the old Shawinigan hand shake.

The Quebec Secular Charter debate is in full swing. I can go on and on about this but it makes me feel like a magician who is doing his best trick over and over again. So I will take this week off kids and we will come back to it next week. It’s just so easy.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!! I have nothing wise-assey to say about Dr. King. Loved everything this guy stood for. My only problem about MLK Day is that it’s not a national holiday in Canada. Help me out here. If we all push for it I am sure we can do it. What I need you to do is to send me five dollars so I can…. Just joking. (But not about MLK day being a holiday in Canada!)

Last word of the week. The stories goes that a New Mexico man has been awarded $1.6 million after he was subjected to three enemas and a colonoscopy after police pulled him over for failing to stop at a stop sign. Police say a police dog alerted them to the fact David Eckert was in the possession of drugs, so they dragged this poor shmo to the hospital and the rest is rectal history. What they didn’t tell you is that they found three gold teeth, two knitting needles and a small monkey. Harboring a small monkey in your ass IS illegal! A-ha, case closed!

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About Ken Gaucher

Email Ken Gaucher at ken@montrealrampage.com More Posts