Ask Cece: Selfish or Self Care?
Why does it seem like the more I focus on myself, the more it aggravates certain people around me? It’s not that I don’t want to give them any of my time but you would think that was the case based on how they react to my reclamation of my time. Am I doing something wrong?
GIRL. Good for you! You’ve gone ahead and done one of the things that most people struggle with in a time of uber-connectedness. I’m a big fan of taking what’s mine and, if we’re really honest with ourselves, our time is all we really have. Yeah, time is a construct or whatever, but it really is the only thing that’s yours. You have exactly one life and you should absolutely be in control of how it’s spent. Down to the minute.
There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. What’s wrong is how people are reacting to it. But it’s probably coming from a place of genuine misunderstanding or fear. Either that or all of your friends are narcissists.
See, I can understand being a little freaked out by someone I really like suddenly being less available to me. I can understand it because sometimes it really is a red flag, a slow fade to nothingness. But if I take a moment to check myself and assess the situation at hand I can usually tell the difference between that and someone just being busy with other things. Whether it’s self-improvement or binge watching some cool new find on Netflix is literally none of my business.
You have to admit that you can see how that sounds kind of maddening though, right? To the people who aren’t ever inclined to slow down or spend time alone it just sounds like the biggest lie in the world that was crafted specifically to reject them. What these people may not realize is that demanding someone’s time and energy is rude, on a basic level, and just completely laughable, on the most real level.
You don’t owe anyone shit. If minding your business prompts certain people to lose their minds and try to pry harder into said business, they have no business being in your life. Period. You’re not being mean, you’re being protective. You’re not being anti-social, you’re being private. It took me a very long time to understand that I did not need to broadcast everything I was doing or going through, that I did not need outside validation for anything— but that if I did decide I wanted it sometimes, that that was okay too. It’s a very delicate dance but you are in control every step of the way.
I can’t applaud you enough for figuring out the importance of conserving your energy. Let people be mad while they catch up. You take care of yourself.
Got a question for Cece? Ask your questions on her twitter @sadgalcece or IG is @bodegabb. Alternatively, ask here and we’ll send it to her.
