Ask Cece: Dating a Liar
I really like someone but he lies a lot. I’m not talking about small stuff, like telling me I look fine when I don’t. I’ve caught him lying about things that don’t make sense to me, and that makes me think it may be a bigger red flag than I’m willing to admit to myself. I’d rather believe I’m paranoid and he has a bad memory. Realistically I know I’m just tired of the dating game and wish I could turn a blind eye. Should I talk to him about it? Can you ever trust a liar?
Do you trust Donald Trump? For the sake of this piece of advice I’m going to fill in for you and assume that your answer is no. Do some people trust him? Yeah. For every person who doesn’t understand how anyone in God’s grey hell could find any good qualities in that man, there are people like you. (And me, don’t beat yourself up.)
People who try to see the good where it quite frankly does not exist. People who don’t want to write someone off for having a “bad day.” People who delude themselves into believing a “good day” will come, because we’ve been waiting so long that all the bad days have melted into one long one in our memories.
People like that can usually feel when people like us are growing tired of their shit, so they pepper in a fake “good day” here and there, to keep you hanging on.*
It’ll end soon, right?*
Only if and when you end it, babe.*
Surely, lots of people have found The Sentient Toupée likeable at many points in his life. He’s had plenty of business partners, wives and baby mamas, mistresses, and many, many supporters. Except for (apparently) the latter half of that list, most of those people have since woken up and smelled the bullshit. They’ve decided that being pathologically lied to by a Pig in a Wig is not a way of life for them. And that is what I wish for you.
This someone of yours may have a bad memory but, I mean, so did Allie in The Notebook and mostly she just wore cool suits and listened to stories to try to piece together what happened in her life. She didn’t make them up. There’s nothing respectable about lying. It’s easy, it’s cheap, it’ll only please for an instant, and the liar needs to worry about maintenance at all times cause it’ll come back to haunt them. It’s like being fed microwave dinners for every meal. Satisfaction will never be achieved.
I currently have the munchies and am watching Somebody Feed Phil so I’ll continue working this metaphor: the people in your life should be serving you a gourmet meal. Heaps of love, scoops of truth and sprinkles of respect for your time, energy and heart. Not a hint of Cheeto dust.
Who am I kidding? You’re never getting heaps or scoops of anything at a gourmet restaurant.
But like, pretend Tinder is UberEats the next time you use it and never order this again. When this behaviour is presented to you on a beautiful shiny platter, say, “Thank you. Next”, and go for the greasy stuff in the aluminum containers.**
Don’t ever think you have to settle for the undercooked, unseasoned and unfulfilling. You have a real appetite. You don’t want a single leaf with a weird squiggle of dressing on the side-kind of life, do you? I know you don’t. You admitted that you’re trying to settle for Diet Love. Instead, I would suggest going after what you’re truly hungering for.
Bone apple teeth.
*I would explain gaslighting, Stockholm syndrome and the like, but maybe that’s for another day.
**I know aluminum is bad for you orsomething but I have never received anything disgusting in an aluminum container. Can we discuss this?
