Fear and Loathing South of the 40 : Smutty Happenings

One for the Crowd

As summer draws to an end in La Belle Province we still have time for a few more festivals before old man Autumn comes knockin’ on our door. Two weekends ago we saw the Ile Soniq EDM festival at Parc Jean Drapeau (see our guide HERE). For the squares who don’t know what EDM stands for (ok ok I had to look it up, don’t judge me), it’s Electronic Dance Music. Now we all know that EDM and drugs go together like peanut butter and jelly, salt and pepper, Ernie and Bert! So once the smoke cleared and the music died down it looks like there were anywhere from 73 to 119 arrests for drugs, and a couple for weapons. Now considering there were over 35,000 people at this event I would say the party goers won this one cause we all know there were a hell of a lot more than 119 people with drugs there. They were just better at hiding them better. That said, I have some suggestions on what to call the festival next year.

• The “guess what I’m hiding up my bum” festival
• Full Cavity Search MTL
• The “is that a bottle of pills in your pocket or are you just happy to see me” Festival (that one never gets old)

Brother and Sisters, if you have any ideas for names of next years EDM festival, this is your chance cause I would love to hear them.

Police on Police Action

Montrealers may be many things but one thing we are not is boring, by gum we are a passionate people. Last week we went as far as pillaging our own city hall!! Now if that ain’t excitement you, show me what is. Let me set the scene. Last Monday evening hundreds of protesters stormed city hall in what Mayor Coderre called a “savage attack.” The mob was protesting against Bill 3, a bill that will see changes to municipal pension plans to the city’s blue collar and white collar workers, including police and firefighters. According to CBC news, “Protesters, some of them masked, littered council chambers with papers, knocked over chairs, throwing glasses of water about and jostled city councillors and security guards.” One city councillor, Marc-André Gadoury, claims he was punched for taking photos of the protesters.

Montreal Police Chief, Marc Parent, held a news conference on Tuesday morning to say he was “disappointed” with his team (disappointed? that’s the best you got?) and has assembled a team to investigate how the police handled the situation. So in short, the police are going to investigate why the police didn’t stop the police from attacking city hall. It is all too much for me. Meanwhile, Marc Ranger, head of the coalition of municipal worker unions, had this to say, “I can’t control individual actions.” I hear you, Marc, I hear you.

Doing It For Charity

Over to Gatineau where Mayor Maxime Pedneaud-Jobin has declared he is against an upcoming marathon event that will happen in the city. It is to be called the ‘Boule-a-thon’. An event being planned by Quebec pornstar Zoe Zebra, in which she will attempt to have sex with 25 men in one night to raise money for… you guessed it, New Boobs! The event will take place in a trailer next to the Club 77 (how charming). When asked about the mayor’s position, Miss Zebra had this to say “My Mother is proud of me, she is happy I am doing what I love.” Hey, what are you gonna do, a gal has to follow her dreams.

Last Week at a Glance:

Sell it to Toronto

Canadian Press announced in an article that “Ontario may buy more electricity from Quebec”. Thank God someone is going to buy it, lord knows we can’t afford it here. Robbers.

Hope It Remembered a Towel

So the Hitch-Bot has reached its destination of Victoria, B.C. If you don’t know about the Hitch-Bot let me nutshell it for you. Frauke Zeller and David Smith created this robot, put it out on the road in Halifax and left it up the the good nature and generosity of Canadian to bring it to Victoria. Along the way the Hitch-Bot attended a Native Pow-Wow, crashed a wedding and had high tea. If you have not already, take a read about the Hitch-Bot’s road trip, it’s really cool.

That Stings!

An NDG man, Matthew Trowell could be evicted from his community garden plot for setting up a beehive. Apparently, Trowell has spent the summer building the structure that will house the beehive hoping it would be approved by the time it was ready (please tell me you also see the hole in the thinking here). So now that it is built, the city says take it down. Usually I would side with the little guy, especially since I once had a plot in a community garden and by the end of the summer I referred to the committee that ran the joint as the “Garden Nazis,” but this time I have to side with the Committee. How the hell is this a good idea? I am Joe Blow going to plant my beans this morning and 5 feet to my right there are 10,000 fucking bees! Hello? Hello?

Meat Exhibition

Ben’s Smoked Meat

If you find yourself with some free time head over the McCord Museum on Sherbrooke. They have an exhibition on about the legendary smoked meat restaurant “Bens.” Some of you younger folks won’t remember Bens, but it is part of the city’s history. Free admission, but don’t be a cheapskate, throw five bucks in the donation jar.

Last word of the Week:

Actually there are two cause I couldn’t make up my mind.
Looks like the tattoo removal business is booming. In the U.S. the industry is worth 75.5 million today and looking like it is going to be worth 83.2 million by 2018! I guess those tramp stamps that say “open for business” just aren’t cool anymore?

Rolf Buchholz a German man whose face has over 100 piercings and horn implants is complaining about being refused entry into Dubai without reason. Come on Rolf really? you don’t know why? Well maybe, just maybe, it’s because… YOU LOOK LIKE THE DEVIL!

Contact Ken with your take on the news at [email protected]