Ask Cece: Resolution Fail?
I haven’t accomplished anything at all according to the resolutions list I wrote in 2018. I feel pretty bad because I keep looking at all my friends’ lives and they seem to have everything (families, nice things, education, careers, vacations) while I’m just drowning in debt and depression. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to anyone but it’s hard when it’s everywhere I look.
Honey, most of your friends are also drowning in debt and depression. Do you think they’re going to broadcast that on Instagram Live? I’m not above reacting to other people’s seemingly perfect lives with jealousy, but I’m learning how to calm it with some clarity.
Plenty of my friends became first time parents, home/business owners, travellers, and graduates last year, and not one of them is blissfully high on life every day. It’s a bit unrealistic. The things that adorn your outer world don’t fix what’s going on inside of you.
I say this only to say that it’s worth investing in yourself before you throw a bunch of cash, time and/or energy into anything you can’t undo. If you’re already not happy and you think that making it rain on every idea that comes into your mind will get you there, you will be greatly disappointed. Those people who are genuinely happy are not so because of their things, they’re happy because they’re ready to be. Those who are still struggling internally despite their external abundance are not frauds, but they’re not there yet. And they’re just adding much more to their plate.
There’s this crazy notion that if you haven’t accomplished certain things by a certain age, or in the span of a single year, that you are an irredeemable loser. It’s just not true. It doesn’t even make sense mathematically. Of course, becoming complacent in a laissez faire frame of mind won’t get you anywhere at all and, sometimes, that is a very common reality with depression. Do you think that maybe spending so much time comparing yourself to others, and perhaps deciding subconsciously that you could never be like them, makes it true for you? Your inner voice is very powerful. When it’s harsh and judgemental, it guides you toward failure. You accept it because it becomes your truth, not because it always was or actually is. It’s a vicious circle of our own creation.
The good news is you can change that. It’s time to. You’re robbing yourself of your actual experience by focusing on what you wish it was. Or what you think you wish it was. Because it’s true that you’ll never be like anyone else, so why do you even want to be? Removing the layers of comparison and judgment will give you a clean start.
Now you’re left with just yourself. Who are you? What are you ok with and what needs to change? Accentuate and adjust accordingly. Don’t base it on what anyone else may see or think, base it on your true feelings. Distance yourself from the prying eyes and influential voices of social media if need be.
Make a new list of goals, if you haven’t already, or just revise and edit the old one. If you catch yourself adding things that are “expected” of you but don’t align with your true desires, cross it off the list. As you work on these goals, you might notice a change in your mood. I’m not claiming that it’ll cure depression but I do know that a sense of accomplishment (however small) can dramatically change how you feel and, often enough, is just what you need to get the ball rolling. You’ll want to feel it again and again.
You might notice heightened self esteem, the willingness to open the parameters of your comfort zone, and the ability to say no when you should. All of these things are invaluable. All of these things are going to be the foundation for everything you want and deserve!!! You will attract everything that is in perfect alignment with your (true) self, at the right time, so don’t stress.
Just don’t give up.
I’m so excited for you.
