I’m an 18 year old girl and still a virgin. It wasn’t really a decision I made, more just the way my life played out. I’m completely ok with this fact and I’ve embraced it until now. I think I’m finally ready to have sex but I’m afraid of what guys will think or say about my still being a virgin this late in life. I have done other sexual things but have never gone “all the way” and being inexperienced in comparison to everyone else my age also makes me nervous and makes me think that I’ll suck. Please help!
Hey girl! As the old saying goes, there’s a first time for everything. For example, this is my very first sex question. Yay! I’m honored that you came to me with this question and I’ll try my best to help you out.
A few things I want to get out of the way first:
- Numero Uno Even the people who you consider more experienced than you currently are were complete, utterly clueless newbs at some point. I’d even venture to guess that point was only a few years ago (I’m going by average age of virginity loss here) so you don’t have anything to be worried or embarrassed about. Nobody is good at things they know little to nothing about at first. Practice makes perfect! *insert smirk emoji here*
- Deuxièmement Anybody who has anything even remotely negative to say about the status of your sexual experience doesn’t deserve a second of your time, energy or vagina. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age and if somebody actually makes fun of you or implies that you should be embarrassed or worried about any of this, please for the love of Morrissey do not have sex with them. This would be the equivalent of feeding the beast, and his stupid ego, and honestly who has time for that? I’m not gonna sit here and be all precious about your V Card because not everybody views it as this big, sacred thing but especially because it’s your first time don’t give it away to some jackass who probably sits at home all day watching Jackass.
So now that those key points are out of the way let’s proceed to preparing you for your big moment. You say you’ve done other sexual things so I’m assuming you know the basics about how to work with a penis which is fantastic because I don’t know how I would put that into words. I’m not that skilled or eloquent when speaking about the human anatomy, nor am I that mature, so you just saved me a ton of mental anguish. With that said you’re probably way more prepared than you think, at least physically speaking.
From what I gather, the part that you’re worried about is more mental and emotional and that makes total sense. Being nervous is part of the deal but you’re going to be fine. The key is to not overthink it. Just the way you were probably nervous when giving your first blowjob or hand job, or whatever job you performed, the nerves will pass once the experience is complete. Think of it as a kind of learning curve. It’s not like it’s something you can study for but it’s not really something you can fail at, either- except sometimes, when under the influence, guys have trouble making their junk work properly so maybe try to make sure you’re sober for at least this one time. First times should be unforgettable, but not in a bad way! The same way you have to learn things from scratch when in school and working your way towards a diploma, you are now graduating puberty and heading to the final ceremony.
I’m trying to keep this whole thing light because I believe that sex should be a fun and positive experience but it would be irresponsible of me to not mention that there are actually aspects of this you should be somewhat worried about. You are 18, so technically an adult, and you probably don’t need to be told any of this but I’m going to say it just in case. When having sex with someone for the first time you should absolutely use protection. You (maybe? probably?) don’t know their sexual history and it’s just safer and smarter to do so. I’d hate to imagine you getting some kind of unpleasant infection after your sexual debut or, worse for some, going through a full blown Juno type of scenario. I personally like the feeling of not having something growing inside my baby hatch but for some people sex with a condom just doesn’t feel as good so they decide to go without and deal with whatever the consequences may be. It definitely isn’t the same but as of right now you won’t know the difference so for argument’s sake just invest in some rubbers. You also may want to look into other methods of birth control at this point and definitely make sure to get tested regularly from here on out.
Short of scheduling the actual sex, being prepared for it is so important. Sure it should be fun and positive and happen organically but you should also be prepared and informed because that is truly sexy.
Now go forth and conquer!
If you have a question for Celina, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org