Review: The Expendables III is so Bad, but so Good

Well, the reviews are in and it looks like Stallone’s latest endeavor is not very favorable with the critics. In fact Rotten Tomatoes gives it 35%, Ouch! But that’s ok cause you know what, the guys in the Ex-p’s 3 can take a punch. In fact they can take all the punches that these pussy ass film critics can throw at them and it won’t even slow them down.

I’m no film critic. I haven’t studied film, I haven’t made a film, I haven’t even worked in a cinema, but I have watched a lot of movies. My favorite type of movies are action movies, the blowing up, car chase, punch in the face, jumping out of windows, gun shooting, plane crashing, old school action kind of action movies. The kind where I don’t have to think a whole lot ’cause I know the good guy is going to win and the bad guy is going to lose, and that, my friends, is exactly what the Expendables 3 is! The best part is that it doesn’t pretend to be anything else.

From the moment it starts to the moment it ends, the action doesn’t stop. Sure there are holes in the story line, but who cares? Sure a bunch of the dialogue is tongue in cheek one-liners, but who cares? They are being delivered by the very best in the business.

One review said it was “a wasted opportunity,” another said “if they are expendable, why won’t they die?” Hey buddy, why don’t you die? The guys in this film have been making movies for decades! They are legends! Tell me another movie where you are going to see The Terminator fighting next to Indian Jones? Where you are going to see Ivan Drago standing toe to toe with Blade, where you can see Rambo fight Mad Max (stop me before my head blows up). Holy Shit people, this movie even has Zorro in it!! Lets not forget about all the baby Ex-p’s too, although I have no clue who they are (girl Ex-p in this one and she is awesome, kicks more ass than a three-legged man in an ass kicking contest).

Are you catching what I am throwing out here, people? There is nothing pretentious about this movie. There is nothing mysterious or mind expanding about this film. If you want a movie you can sit with friends and try to figure out once it is done, watch Being John Malkovich. You want a sappy feel good, watch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. (Two films I have seen and liked btw). This movie is not going to win any Oscars but guess what, it’s not meant to!

It is meant to be fun. If you want to go into a theater, set your mind on neutral, and just be entertained for two hours, this is the ticket. No green screen, no guessing who did it, no dancing, no naked people, no spaceships or ghosts or aliens and sweet Jesus no 3D,  just good old fashion action.

Good job guys, well worth the price of admission, and thanks for the memories.

The Expendables III is in theatres now and probably soon will be on DVD.