Fear and Loathing South of the 40 : He’d Make a Good Tow Truck Driver for a Dentist

Sex for Donuts

Chez Boris Beignet. Photo Rachel Levine

How much bonking equals on Chez Boris donut? Photo Rachel Levine

As the world becomes fatter, Shirley Cramer, the chief executive of the Royal Society for Public Health in London, has come up with an idea; it is called “activity-equivalent calorie labeling”. What this means is she would like to see labels on foods that would advise a person of how much exercise they would need to do to burn off the food they are presently eating. For example, if you eat a blueberry muffin that has 265 calories you would need to walk for 48 minutes or run for 13 minutes to burn off these calories. Now this seems like a reasonable idea to me if, A) the person walks, more than to their car, and B) the person runs, more than away from a bear attack or mugging or some such. If we want to see this project work, and dear readers I think we do, I suggest labels that people are going to actually read and appreciate, such as how much fornication would be needed to burn off said calories. “Look honey, I realize you’re tired, but I ate a blueberry muffin at lunch AND a chocolate bar, are you trying to kill me?”

Get on the Bus, Schnobb

Montreal Bus. STM. 80, 129, 365, 435. Plateau. Photo Rachel Levine

Enjoy waiting. Photo Rachel Levine

CJAD News reported last week that the STM is experiencing a slight decline in ridership. What came next was a barrage of excuses from Philippe Schnobb, the STM Chairman, the likes I have not heard since my grade three teacher asked me where my homework was. They included the economy, the weather, Uber, cheaper gas, locus, tornados, zombies, you name it. Before I proceed I would like ask a question, do you think that Philippe Schnobb, the chairman of the STM, takes the bus and metro to work every day? I think that should be part of the gig. In fact I think that should be part of the job of all the big shots who work for the STM. Want to know how the service is? Get your ass out on a corner at 6 a.m. in January when it is minus 30 and wait for a bus. Then come back and tell us how the service is.

Car Theft with Tow Truck

Mascara and Popcorn Body Horror Contest. Photo Corey Kaminski

Where is my car? Photo Corey Kaminski

A Laval towing company, Remorquage A9, (you might want to write that down) has been warned by the Quebec Consumer protection office about its questionable business practices including intimidation and threats. We are talkin’ 34 complaints in 2 years. Here is one man’s story. Kevin Baker, a Laval resident, parks his car in his private parking spot behind his home, wakes up and the car is gone. So what does he do, he calls the cops. The police tell him that his car has not been stolen it has been towed by Remorquage A9, but they never authorized this tow. Are you seeing how things have already gone south here? He calls A9 for them to tell him, “Yup we have your car and it is $140 if you want us to tell you where it is.” Now I am no lawyer but apparently Montreal law requires a towing company to advise a person that their car has been towed within an hour. Also towing companies cannot charge more than $65 bucks. Mr. Baker goes down there and tells them he is going to call the cops (again) and they drop the price to $60 bucks and they will tell him where is car is. Baker calls 911. The police arrive, and the towing company gives Baker a bill for $60 dollars and tells him where his car is. A Laval police spokes person who commented on this case said the police consider this case to be a civil matter so no police report was filed. But if someone takes your car without a legal reason, isn’t that car theft? I don’t get it.

The Round Up:

I was reading about a pilot project that will happen this summer in which the borough of Rosemont-La Petit-Patrie will bring in 15 sheep and lambs (I have no clue what the difference is) to Pelican Park. Why? Well to eat the grass, of course, as an environmentally friendly way to maintain green spaces. Sounds cool right? Directly under this story was the headline, “Gunfire in Rosemont prompts police operation” Good luck my little lambs, good luck.

So after all the rigmarole that went on, Sam Hamad stepped down as Quebec’s Treasury Board President. I do not have room to go into the entire hubbub that went on but if you have a moment look into it, it makes for an entertaining read. The one thing I walk away with is that he will be giving up (for the time being) his 68 thousand dollar bonus, his limousine, chauffeur, and body guard. I can get past the bonus, but a limo, chauffeur and body guard? Really? Who does he think he is, Rihanna?

The headlines were everywhere “American Idol over after 15 years” — THANK GOD. I mean was anyone still watching this show besides the families of the people that were on it?

Ok I can’t get enough, lets go back to Rosemont again. A group called ‘Frigo des ratons’ is installing a functioning refrigerator outside in an alleyway for the benefit of the community. The concept is simple, people who can, donate food, people who need food, take it. Sure it is all fun and games until they find a sheep in it.

The Capper:

If you still have a pencil handy, here is another name you might what to take down. Back in 2005 the organization that oversees dentists in Quebec banned a Pierre Dupont, for life, from practicing dentistry in the province. There are quite a few reasons this ban occurred including a person dying in his dentist chair. Let’s just say as far as dentists go, this guy was a good foot doctor. Flash forward to 2016, Pierre Dupont is making a living as an orthopedic doctor at an Ottawa clinic. Erika Brathwaite didn’t know Dupont’s past when she went to see him last August for a problem with flat feet, reported CBC News. Dupont inserted a titanium stent in Brathwaite’s left foot that caused her pain and would not heal. Months after the surgery Braithwaite still has pains she did not have before the procedure. Now, I don’t want to make light of the situation but it looks like Erika was lucky to get out of there with her life! Let’s just say as a foot doctor, this guy would make a good plumber.

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About Ken Gaucher

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