Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today 2 get through this thing called life – Prince
Mike Duffy Off the Hook
Mike Duffy, cleared of all charges. Oh that’s right my friends, good old Senator Mike Duffy had been cleared of all 31 charges laid against him by Ottawa Justice Charles Vaillancourt. Not only did Justice Vaillancourt kick Duffy free, he said that the “Prime Minister’s Office under Harper treated Senators as “pawns” and described Duffy as just another “piece on the chess board.” I don’t think I have to go into the whole Mike Duffy scandal, we all know what happened in some shape or form, from the 90 thousand dollar Nigel Wright cheque to the PEI primary residence affair. Duffy was on the hook for fraud, bribery and breach of trust. But you know what? Looks like he wasn’t guilty of any of it. You know why? The problem here isn’t Mike Duffy, it’s the whole fucking system. Don’t blame the playa, blame the game! The only thing that Duffy did wrong was get caught using a system that is set up to screw Canadians out of our hard earned money. You know and I know, that this whole thing smells to high heaven like a big, stinkin’ pile of dog crap but at the end of the day who’s going to be held responsible? Nobody. Who is gonna pay for it? Bend over and smile neighbors, we’re taking another one for the team.
Claims to Fame
The bad news is that last week the world lost a one of a kind musical genius, Prince Rogers Nelson, the good news is that we found Karla Homolka. She is alive and well in Chateauguay going by the name Leanne Teal, imagine that. Look, here is another of those things that you don’t have to like but you have to live with. We have a justice system, one that we all agreed upon, she went through this system, did her time and came out on the other side. Hence she many live anywhere she wants in this free country we call Canada. Them is the facts, jack. Look at it as a novelty. Not every community can claim they have a convicted serial killer (opps, former serial killer) residing in it.
Worth the Price of Membership
Did you hear the one about the superstore giving out free vaccination shots? Doesn’t that sound like the set up to a joke? Well it is, but it ain’t. A company called Nature’s Touch issued a recall on a product that Costco was selling named ‘Organic Berry Cherry Blend’ due to a possible Hepatitis A contamination. 12 people have become sick in Canada and health officials tracked it back to this particular product (which in itself is pretty amazing, don’t you think). Once the news broke Costco stepped up and said it would offer Hep A vaccinations to anyone who bought the berries… at a low wholesale price. No no I am kidding, they are offering the shot free (work with me here). Yours truey ran down there and got a shot, I know a good thing when I hear one. I then proceeded to buy as many bags of the berries as I could. Hell they were practically givin’ them away. What? I got the shot.
Caught Being a Moron
A video titled ‘Lowest Point in Montreal’ was posted online on March 26th. It is a video of 3 people sneaking around various metro stations, (Vendome, Lionel-Groulx and Square Victoria to name a few). They light fireworks on the tracks, enter an empty conductor’s booth, etc. until they are confronted by an STM employee and they make a break for it. The whole prank is idiotic at worst, mildly entertaining at best, but no one gets hurt. Simply a case of kids getting up to no good, right? Last Thursday the police arrested three men ages 22, 28 and 53 in connection to the video. They are expected to face charges of breaking and entering and public mischief. If convicted they could face up to 10 years of jail time. (Don’t worry guys, Homolka only did 12 and look what she did, you’ll never do 10). Really? Grown ass men have nothing better to do than sneak around metro stations, film it, post it online and think they won’t be caught? These guys are morons that pretty much deserve the 10 years for being morons. Hell, if ‘The Man’ can trace down ‘Hep A’ to a bag of berries, they sure as hell can trace down your asses from a 2 minute video.
The Round Up:
Not long ago, I wrote about a woman masquerading as a nurse at one of the larger hospitals in Montreal. We were fed the usual spiel about how this shouldn’t happen, one in a million chance, yadda, yadda, yadda. Well guess what? Officials were at a loss last week to explain how a woman worked at Jean Talon Hospital for five years as a licensed nurse when she has no license to practice in Quebec. Tell you what guys, with the state of the health system in Quebec right now, if she is doing a half decent job I say leave her alone and let’s call it a day.
Speaking of the health care system, according to RAMQ (Regie de l’assurance maladie du Quebec) numbers obtained by the Journal de Montreal, from 2010 to 2015 doctors received more than 1.5 billion in bonuses as part of a program to see new patients. A spokesman for the Health Minister told the newspaper the “monetary incentive did not yield the expected results.” Let me break that down for you. The doctors got the bonuses, but did not see more patients. Sooooo… are they paying the bonuses back? How does the next step work? I know at my job if they give me money I need to actually do what they gave me the money to do. It’s crazy, I know, but it just works out that way.
“Repair or replace the aging Mercier Bridge.” Here is my reaction: WHAT! According to La Presse, the Quebec Government should decide by the end of the year if they will be repairing or replacing the 82 year old bridge. How the hell is this a question? Have you ever been on this bridge? Every time I need to cross it I get a case of shivering bowel syndrome. I think whoever’s asking this question has been drinking their bathwater.
Headline of the week – “Police: Woman left infant in hot car for strip club audition.” I am not even sure what emotion I should feel about this.
You better sit down because this one is a classic. Longueuil Police are advising the public to be on the lookout for a man who pleasured himself behind a restaurant on Cure-Poirier Blvd last month. I have read two different stories about this incident and both stories state there was a woman present while he was doing the deed. Not sure if she was with him or if she was just there for the show. Anywho, he proceeded to enter the restaurant once the monkey was properly spanked. Now I don’t want to seem like a weirdo but, hey, we have all been there. You know, you are hungry but not that hungry and you say to yourself “if only I could just get a bit of exercise.” Well this guy actually took the situation in hand!
Alright, that is enough of that. Keep your head down, same time and place next week.
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