Fear and Loathing South of the 40: Make Today Count

Waiting For It

It is always nice to get confirmation on a subject that you feel strongly about. Robert Salois, Quebec’s Health Commissioner, released a report last week that states the province of Quebec has the longest emergency room wait times in the western world. Let me give you some stats from his report: 35% of us wait more than 5 hours to see a doctor, average total time spent in ER by a patient is 9 hours, in 2015 45% of all ER visits were longer than the max time recommended by the Ministry of Health (btw, in Ontario it is 15%). Alright, here is a question, at your job, if you failed 45% of the time, what would happen? Francois Paradis, the Coalition Avenir Quebec health critic commented that we should change our license plates from ‘I remember’ to ‘I’m waiting’ (good one!). Now to be fair, Salois also stated in his report that 60% of the cases in Quebec’s ER’s are not emergency cases and could be taken care of at a clinic (where you will wait about the same time, if you can find one open that is). One last stat he gives that had me scratching my head was “One out of 10 patients leaves the hospital without seeing a doctor, in some cases this number rises to one in three.” So are these people just walking out and dying on the street? What’s the deal? In conclusion friends, remember before you go wise cracking at pretty much anywhere in the western world, they can see a doctor before you can. For example “How can anyone live in Toronto, the houses are way to expensive!” True, but they can see a doctor. “How can anyone live in New Brunswick, there are no jobs!” Maybe, but they can see a doctor. “The states are crazy, too many guns!” Ya but when they get shot, they can see a doctor. See where I’m going with this.

Gothamontreal

Speaking of guns, what the hell happened last week? Did the city go crazy? Last Wednesday, in broad daylight on Crescent Street, police were called to a fight that had broken out where shots were fired. They find bullet casing on the ground. A suspect is arrested. A lot of good it does, the victim isn’t cooperating. Thursday night, 3 people walk into a crowded club in Laval and open fire. No one is hit but one person injured as the people inside the club panic. Same night a 20 year old man is stabbed during a fight in the street in Ste-Anne-de Bellevue. The next night a young man is stabbed on the street in Ahuntsic after an altercation between several individuals. Again, the victim is not cooperating. Ummm excuse me but can someone tell me what the fuck is going on? Was it the heat? Is it because people can’t smoke on terrasses anymore? Sure we hear about all of these individual stories in the news each morning, but when you start to put them together, things aren’t so funny anymore. Just saying.

Those Darned Kids

So the 7 year old boy who was left on the side of the road was found by officials last week after 7 days. Yamato Tanooka was left on side of the road in the woods of Nanae, (a home to wild bears) as a punishment for throwing rocks at passing cars and people. The boy was found nearly 6 kilometers from where he had been found. He said he had followed a trail of bread crumbs to a house made of candy, once inside he met a witch… oops wrong story, just kidding. But seriously, when found last Friday morning, the boy was slightly dehydrated but otherwise in good condition. Yamato’s father said he was “very sorry” for what had happened and regretted the punishment. Police are not pursuing charges against the parents. Let’s take this situation and compare it to the young boy who fell into the gorilla pit at the Cincinnati Zoo, because that whole situation made me crazy (oh you know what I am talking about). In that case more than 70,000 people signed an online petition on change.org calling for the parents to be investigated for neglect. I actually think I heard that they will be investigated, but I can’t find that story right now, so let me know if you have seen that. I have read that there was no “proper parental supervision”; I have even read some suggest the parents should be held criminally responsible. I get it, a gorilla was killed and that sucks, but you know what people, accidents happen. I have three kids and I know that I have lost each of them at least once for sure. Kids are freaking fast at that age. I think the people who are making these suggestions are people who don’t have children, and if they do it is probably those parents that put a leash on their kids at the park. Ever see those weirdos?

Good bye, Mr. Downie

While we are on the subject of things that suck, Gord Downie, lead singer of the Tragically Hip announced last week that he has terminal brain cancer. I will not dwell on this part to long because I will literally break down and cry (again). ‘Up to here’ is one of my all time favorite recordings, and I have been a fan of Gord and the Hip ever since. But here is the good news, the band says they will do one more Canadian tour! Yes brothers and sisters, one last chance, one last kick at the can, one last opportunity to say goodbye to the man and the band who brought this wonderful music into our lives for so many years. Then the tickets for the shows go on sale and boom, there is not a goddamn ticket is site. You cannot get a ticket for love or money. In fact, I think I have a better chance at starting my own rock & roll band and touring this summer (which sounds like an awesome idea, btw) than getting a ticket to a Hip show. Just to make sure I went to see my neighbor Tim, who is the biggest Hip fan that this guy knows. In his own words he has gone to see more Hip shows than they have played. He managed to secure one ticket in … wait for it … Victoria. Neighbor Tim, hats off to you, you are a true fan. So there are no tickets unless you want to go on Kijiji or craigslist or some such and buy them for $1000 dollars a pop, and then there are all kinds of tickets. My fellow Canadians, if you want something to be pissed off at, there you go. We have people making money off of the terminal brain cancer of a Canadian icon. “Don’t tell me that they’re anti-social, somehow not anti-social enough, alright.”

The Round UP:

Anti-gentrification in St-Henri? What the hell is anti-gentrification? 30 masked individuals dressed in black stormed into a new boutique grocery store named the 3734 on Notre-Dame West. They looted the store, painted graffiti and threw smoke bombs. They left a note bitching about the arrival of new upscale condos and expensive businesses coming to the neighborhood. I don’t know but I would think bringing new business and money into a neighborhood would be a good thing, no?

Turn it over and stick a fork in it, Canada AM, Canada’s oldest national morning TV show is done. Bell media abruptly announced the end of the 43 year show last week. Apparently the beloved TV show will be replaced by a yet untitled news show that this guy will be boycotting. Take care Jeff, Marci and Bev, it has been fun. Where are those 30 masked bandits when you need them, this is something that needs to be anti-gentrificationed.

Here is the headline “6-year-old Massachusetts boy call 911 on his dad… for running a red light”. Looks like Robbie Richardson called 911 to complain that his father had run a red light. Maybe his dad ought to show him the story about a little boy who got left on the side of the road in the woods for being bad.

The passing of the greatest. Last Friday, June 3rd, the world said good-bye to Muhammad Ali. There are many many articles to read, programs to listen to, and TV shows to watch right now, and I am sure in the coming weeks there will be many more. But I prefer to let the Greatest speak for himself.

“Don’t count the days, make the days count” – Muhammad Ali

The Capper:

Ok here was the first paragraph of an article I read in “The Telegraph”.
An angry dwarf has been jailed after impersonating a Dalek from the TV series Doctor Who which led him to be tasered twice by police.’ I have to admit that I did not know what a Dalek was. I had to look that up. Mr. Ian Salter-Bromley, 55, stuck a sucker dart on his forehead, filled his mouth with dominoes, then yelled “Exterminate, Exterminate!” at two women in a sheltered housing complex. It seems Mr. Salter-Bromley has had a long list of problems that include exposing himself, spreading excrement and urine in a reception hall and threatening a woman on a bus with a butter knife. So I guess he had the old tasering coming, but the whole time I was reading the article I was thinking to myself, tasered the poor guy twice? He’s a dwarf, for Christ sake.

Oh well, until next week, try not to get sick and keep your eyes open for angry dwarves.

1 Comment on Fear and Loathing South of the 40: Make Today Count

  1. Kathleen Orland // June 7, 2016 at 11:35 am //

    Every article you write cracks me up!

Comments are closed.

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About Ken Gaucher

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