Being the kind of person who never lets things go is kind of the worst. I should know, because I am the best at being the worst. Given my current circumstances I should be petrified of men, or so I’m told. I should take a ‘break’, let the trauma ‘settle’, blah blah. One guy actually questioned my level of affectedness after I expressed my desire to have sex.
There are all kinds of obstacles to go through in life, and there are all kinds of people who have to go through them. No two people will ever have the same reaction to an event, even if that given event happens to them in the exact same way. And there is no such thing as the wrong reaction.
There are people who continue to learn how to ride their bikes even after they’ve had a couple of spills. I am not one of those people — at almost 25 I still can’t ride a bike and you can’t make me! There are those whose grief comes out as hysterical laughter — they aren’t glad their uncle’s dead, this seemingly joyous response is involuntary. Should they stop attending funerals? Probably not.
The list of reasons why we react to things the way we do is endless. But ultimately the only thing that’s relevant is whether or not the way we react to things is harming ourselves or others. I have been known to pound back a few too many whiskeys (or cheeseburgers or chocolate bars or… you get the point) and maybe sometimes say things I wish I could take back but, beyond that, I’m pretty good at controlling myself and making sure I’m never hurting anybody else.
So why, I wonder, do people really think they get to decide what reactions are quote/unquote appropriate or inappropriate in situations that have zero effect on their lives? Grief, trauma, heartbreak- they affect us all differently. Some people need to take a lot of time to heal. Some people want to move the fuck on. Some people fluctuate between the two for long periods of time, kind of like a boat vacillating on the smallest wave of all time. Back and forth, forever and ever.
For whatever reason, I’m ready to let it go. This doesn’t mean I’m ok, it doesn’t diminish the severity of what happened to me and it absolutely does not mean that in a couple of weeks from now I won’t decide that this article was just Strong Celina trying to sell Weak Celina some rainbows-and-unicorns-type happy ending story.
But also… people just need to get laid. And be loved. And not be judged for it.
Celina awaits your questions… the good, the bad, the confusing. Ask her at firstname.lastname@example.org