If you live on planet Earth, you have heard about Uruguay’s forward Luis Suarez biting Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini. This is the third incident and three strikes you’re out Suarez. FIFA has banned the striker for four months from any soccer related activity. But seriously, have you seen a picture of this guy? Seen the teeth on him? I mean this dude is made for biting.
Top five Luis Suarez jokes
- Just downloaded a video of Luis Suárez’s greatest moments. It was only three mega-bites.
- Luis Suárez wasn’t trying to hurt Chiellini. He was just trying to help his teammate Sturridge with the Subway adverts, by tucking into a tasty Italian
- Luis Suarez would like to thank his fangs for their support
- When God was handing out brains, Luis was still in the line for Teeth!
- Dave Letterman – Have you heard about the Uruguayan soccer player, he bit another soccer player from Italy, I think his name was Al Dente.
Money is no object
While we are on the subject of soccer, the city of Montreal is in the process of building a new soccer complex, Complexe Environnemental de St. Michel, at the corner of Papineau Ave. and Louvain St. The price of this facility, $60 million bucks!! More than double the original estimate. One sport facility consultant, Larry Eldridge, who has more than 30 years experience in the field says this is the “most expensive sports complex in the world.” Now lets not forget this “sport complex” is being built while the city is cutting the pensions of the firefighters. The province’s medical specialists await the results of negotiations over their future wages. Daycare workers have announced one-day closures as a result of a freeze in their subsidies. There are just a few of the problems the city has due to lack of funds. The list goes on (streets are actually caving in, but that is a whole other article). So the next time you ask where your taxes are going, pick up a soccer ball and head down to Complexe environnemental de St-Michel, and see if they will give you the time of day.
Grey Squares – More Summertime Protests
A newly formed seniors group calling itself the “Carrés Gris” or the “Grey Squares” has said they will take to the street to protest new provincial regulations. The regulations in question call on private residences for both autonomous and semi-autonomous seniors to have each resident’s medical history on file, seniors’ residences must install intercoms in each apartment and have at least one staff member on site at all times. One member of the group, Jean-Pierre Martin, said that measure goes too far, adding that “The new measures treat seniors like babies.” The protesters intend to revive the banging of pots and pans (only not too loudly or too long; they get heavy), and will take to the streets as soon as they agree on a hour that does not interfere with their daytime tv shows or naptime.
Medicare for the Homeless
The city of Montreal now has a Mobile Clinic that will bring medical care to the homeless in the streets of Montreal. Doctors of the World says its clinic on wheels will help hundreds of homeless Montrealers. You know what, this is a bunch of shit! And don’t go sending me emails saying I am anti-homeless, ’cause I am not. But what about the tens of thousand of people who can’t even find a family doctor. Will the Mobile Clinic be visiting them? Marco Grant, who lives on the streets of downtown Montreal, said the service is good news because people like him don’t feel welcome in clinics and hospitals. Well you know what Marco, no one does. You have to sit there for eight fucking hours and if you should actually work up the nerve to ask when your turn is they practically shoot you due to the fact they are so overworked and understaffed.
Montreal Mayor Denis Coderre said it’s a shame that a humanitarian organization is needed in Montreal. It sure is, but a bigger shame is that a little kid with a broken arm or a fever of 105 has to sit in a waiting room for six hours before getting looked at.
Last Week at a Glance:
Eat your Tee
I am on a ranting roll so I might as well get this one off my chest too. The Hudson Bay Co. pulled a shirt from it’s shelves that sported the saying “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” I think the decision speaks for itself, but it was the designer,Christopher Lee Sauvé’s, reaction that got me. “It’s sad to me that everything has to be boiled down to a simple la-la land for Prozac nation to swallow for their Wal-Mart families.” There you go shoppers, that is what Christopher Lee Sauve thinks of the people who buy his shirts. Remember that name next time you are out shopping. Hey Chris, why don’t you take one of your shirts, crumple it up in a ball, bend over and…
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is done with rehab, and ready to get back to work. In fact he is ashamed, humiliated and embarrassed. Who cares!! Why am I still reading about this guy?
Closed for Summer
The Charbonneau Commission is on its summer break, hearings are scheduled to resume on September 2. Yes, summer break. Not a long weekend or a two-week vacation. Summer break. What? All that wasting taxpayers money is hard work. Do you think they are going to “wasting taxpayers money” day camp?
Last Word of the Week:
Word is the UK is facing a sperm shortage. The BBC reports that because donations to sperm banks has declined, some clinics may be settling for lower quality donors (what the hell does that mean?), and the clinics are importing sperm from Denmark and the US. I am fine with this. I will do my part, but I’m not paying for the flight and I want supper first.
Questions, comments, complaints? No one likes a whiner. Contact Ken Gaucher at firstname.lastname@example.org