Fear and Loathing South of the 40 : Where are those Bees?

The Mystery of the Stolen Bees

Let’s kick the week off with a follow up to something I wrote about last week. One thing I LOVE is when the news gives you an update on a story. It’s like getting a phone call from an old girlfriend without all of the swearing and telling you where to go stick your head. Remember the great bee heist from last week, 180 hives stolen from Miel Labonte, well the story continues to unfold. Last Thursday the QPP first arrested a 36 year old suspect in Mandeville, just north of Sorel. The next day a 43 year old man turned himself into the police in Joliette, Quebec. Here is the rub though, the bees are still at large! I am just talking out loud here but don’t you think that finding five million bees would be easier than finding the two guys who stole them? We are talking FIVE MILLION BEES, somebody somewhere has to have noticed something strange? No?

 

On m’a crissé dehors

Bell Mobility laid off a large number of employees from its Dorval Call Centre, but it won’t say how many. It was initially thought that up to 100 people were getting laid off but now the company is saying this number could go as high at 230 employees by August. This is horrible news, no doubt, but listens to how it was done. One worker’s claims that his whole department, about 80 people, were brought into a meeting at 1 p.m., told they no longer had jobs, then told they had 30 minutes to leave the building. Can you feel the love? On the positive side, they were given a three month severance package, that is if they signed a confidentiality agreement. Which pretty much means get out, and keep your mouth shut about it. Bell has said in a statement that “None of the work is going off shore.” Well I am sure that makes the people who just lost their livelihood feel much better.

Complaints Taken at Door

Speaking of the West Island, looks like patient complaints against the Lakeshore General Hospital have increased by 75% since 2010, yes you read that correctly, seventy five percent. The majority of complaints filed had to do with accessibility to services. A spokes person for the West Island regional health care agency, Claire Roy, suggests that perhaps this is because patients are more aware of the complaint process, also because the complaint department was moved to the hospital’s lobby in 2014. Well since we are throwing suggestions out there, I happen to have a couple. Could part of the problem be that you need to wait 14 hours to see a doctor? Or perhaps the fact you have two people working in the emergency room trying to help 130 sick people who are pissed off because they have been waiting 14 hours to see a doctor. Hey listen, I am no healthcare expert, I am just throwing out suggestions. What I can say for sure is that I have gone to the Lakeshore emergency twice in my life and both times were shitshows.

Eyebrow Raiser

I read a story out of Frederiction, New Brunswick last week and I can’t help myself, I have to comment on it. A woman in Frederiction, Sacha Dewolfe, claims she was discriminated against by the staff at the Avalon SalonSpa. Her allegation is due to the fact she was told that she could not bring her infant son into the SPA while she was getting her eyebrows waxed due to safety issues and also out of respect for other clients. So not only is she upset at the spa but she wants changes to the New Brunswick Human Rights Act. So let’s break this down a minute. This lady says the whole ‘New Brunswick Human Rights Act’ should be changed because she couldn’t get into a spa. Am I the only one who’s hearing this? I mean how self absorbed can you possibly be for this to be an issue? I have a great idea, let’s go down to Fort McMurray, Alberta and ask one of the 80 thousand people who have been displaced by perhaps the greatest disaster in Canadian history how big a deal they think this is. Let’s asked the folks who literally ran for their lives from a fire that consumed their homes how high on the agenda access to a spa should be at the next town meeting. Are you with me on this one?

The Round Up:

The big news last week was the Fort McMurray wildfire. By the end of last Saturday officials were predicting the fire was as big as 2000 square kilometers, which is three times the size of Edmonton or Toronto. My heart goes out to all the people who have been affected by this catastrophe and all the heroes who helped the people affected by the fire. My thoughts, as well as all of Canada’s I’m sure, are with you.

I heard it and I could not believe my ears. Pierre Karl Peladeau has stepped down as the leader of the Parti Quebecois – WHAT! You could have pushed me over with a feather. I have not liked a political figure as much since Jack Layton. This guy was the highlight of the 2014 election for me. PKP says he is stepping down for personal and family reasons, what can you say? You have to respect that. I for one will miss him, good luck PKP (don’t worry I think he will be ok, after all he is a media tycoon).

Westmount merchant, Glenn Neven, says he has noticed an increase in dog poop left along the street and he is sick of it. There are currently no security cameras on the recently renovated Greene Avenue, so Neven says he’s going to take pictures of violators and send them to the city’s public security department for further investigation (I am a bit fuzzy on what the further investigation would be, I mean a picture of a dog taking a shit is a picture of a dog taking a shit, let’s not kid ourselves here). But don’t say you were not given fair warning, if you don’t pick up the poop on Greene, you have no one to blame but yourself when you get the $77 dollar fine.

The Capper:

Here is the headline – ‘Naked boomers struggle to attract younger generation of nudists’. Seems the Van Tan Club, a nudist colony founded in North Vancouver’s Fromme Mountain in 1939, is having trouble recruiting young members. According to Daniel Jackson, a 51 year old club member, membership peaked in the ’70s (go figure) at about 150 members, but is down to approximately 50 – 60 members these days. “We always wonder what we could do to be appealing directly [to younger people],” asks another member, Linda Kent. Let me help you with that Linda, PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES! Young people do not what to see old people naked. Hell even old people don’t want to see old people naked. There are an awful lot of jokes I could go with, but I am going to keep it clean and leave you with this.

There were a couple of old gals in the local nursing home who were getting a little bored with the lack of excitement in their surroundings. They decided to liven things up and took their clothes off and walked through the local male gathering area in the buff. One of the old boys poked another one and asked if he had seen what just went by. The other replied yep he had seen it and whatever it was it sure did need ironing

Let Ken know what you think. Leave him a comment below or mail to montrealramapge@gmail.com. We’ll make sure he hears it.

2 Comments on Fear and Loathing South of the 40 : Where are those Bees?

  1. Anonymous // May 9, 2016 at 12:05 pm //

    as usual you got it right on ken

  2. Kathleen Orland // May 10, 2016 at 10:25 am //

    Bahaha! Your articles are the best! You’re informative and succinct, and funny as heck. Love you, Cuz!

Comments are closed.

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About Ken Gaucher

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